Copies of My last blog posts, circa 1763.
Sometimes when I sit down to write, I go into panic mode. In fact, sometimes even just thinking about writing it makes my heart turn sideways in that uncomfortable, nauseating sort of way. It doesn’t happen all the time, but sometimes it’s so awful that when I decide to go write, I promptly realize that my bookshelf is in desperate need of a good dusting or that it’s a really good time to go out back and pick up dog shit.
Ya hear that? Dog shit. As if there were ever a “really good time” to pick up dog shit.
So my question is, What the f**k is the deal with that, Universe? Here I am, knowing that I can and will (eventually) write this incredible book/blog post/birthday card, yet every time I sit down to write, I don’t. I’ve been given this wonderful gift, yet it’s been coupled with an irrational fear of parking it at my computer and actually writing something.
If, by now, you’ve read some of my earlier posts (and if not, you’re dead to me), then you will already know that I believe in chakras, astrology, and all that other weird hippy shit. Most importantly, I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with my Bitch Chakra which prevents me from being as consistent and productive as I would like to be. Despite my earlier declarations of getting my third chakra in check (i.e. posting on this blog every week, keeping a schedule, staying on top of my water intake) the Bitch has prevailed. I haven’t posted on this here blog since March – March! – and I am also dehydrated to an unacceptable degree.
Sure, I’ve been a very busy bee these last few months, so it’s not just the terrifying feeling of writing that has stopped me from posting. But still, this blogging thing has not exactly gone as planned. Rather than accept defeat, however, I am going to be bold in my endeavors and re-declare my intentions. Same intentions, different day. I have returned from the depths of the interwebs and will be blogging and writing regularly once again.
Don’t get me wrong – I realize I’m swimming in Boy-Who-Cried-Wolf territory here. If I said I’m going to do this once before and failed, then what’s to stop me from failing again? And will anyone keep reading what I have to say by the time I actually follow through with writing it?
I can’t say if I will stumble again, but what I do know is that right now, I can either say I failed and quit, or decide that I haven’t failed and keep going. I may be a slow poke, but I’m not keen on quitting. So there it is, Reader. You’re stuck with me. It’s time for me to once again deal with this extraordinarily uncomfortable fear of writing and get this book done. Whether or not you stick with me, of course, is up to you. But if you’re down, I’ve just spent six weeks fluttering around Europe and have some sweet stories you’re gonna want to hear all about 😉
See? I really wasn’t lying when I said I’ve been busy…